just went to vivo with Minyi. had a hearty talk. heavy discussions bout this that those these. ended up home with a heavy heart. just hope she's better... prolly, Nov just isnt our mth.
. . . its only been less than 24hrs. felt like months and years. suddenly feel so empty without you. i shldnt sunk in too deep. if not, history is just gonna repeat itself. time and over again, i think i really shld start to stand on my own feet. thinking back bout the past. i've realised how miraclous that is. that we even met, and stayed by each other till now. i guess, being friends is really the best. status is really not important at all. friends are forever. as for bgr, it might not be as lasting as friends. given much thoughts, i began to slowly see the kinda care you've given. even tho last time i felt insignificant to you. but now, i don have the same mindset. its not about prioritizing anyone in your life. its about the happiness that two may get being together. going all the way out just to satisfy one, isnt the answer. its just a minute of happiness for one. and oneday, the other will think back and say, "how dumb i was to even do that for him/her, how silly i was" trust, care, concern, love are the 4 major things to begin with. without these 4, its unlikely to implant them in the future. there's always a phobia inside, and paranoid is the word for it. its takes two hands to clap, it always does.
i've finally put down everything of the past that i thought couldnt. i felt like a lil bird, thats flying out of the lil cage. never felt this carefree before. i do not need to worry bout anything. finally. i love whatever i have now. and am extremely contented. *SMILES*
after the long talk last night. i realise how different our world can be. basically, we're just living in two different world. i guess its really difficult to work this out. no, i knew this long ago. yet i still went ahead for it. dumb, yeah, plain dumb. its only a mth plus left now. maybe if i'm not going aussie, this wont happen too. now, i just wish nov comes quickly. and stay at nov forever. i hope this will be the last sweetest memory i have here.
so much about the past that i wanna forget. it just all flash back thru our topics last night. and i realise that, no matter how much u try to forget bout smth. it cant be erased from your memories. no matter what, it'll still be part of your memory forever. it did happen before. there's no Backspacing in this keyboard.
this two days has been on phone till the late nights. just like before, more than before. happy, yeah. but not the one last night. those words were so piercing... i think u could sense it too. but i'm not gonna make a nuisance outta myself. just let it pass... maybe i thought too much myself. my only fear now is that, when i'm back from aussie... will you still be you. there are no promise made between. i guess i'll just have to hand it over the fate.
i've been telling myself so much. just believe in this. believe in you. i don know how to now. everything changes every second. so unpredictable. maybe i should really just close up myself, and wait. i don know how else... everything is just so unstable. yet, you don even feel a thing. since whether or not am i here doesnt make a diff to you. i might as well walk. two months maybe jus be only two. it will be long, if this carries on.
guys, all the same. wont give a damn when you're ard. selfish.
one test result is out. yet, only a credit. fucking sad. what the fuck can i do bout it. NOTHING. don wish to make the same fucking mistake again. sad.
--
been pondering bout something. wad do i want out of it. wad do i gain. nothing. i don know wad i want too. and it seems impossible to get wad i want too. tats sad enough. why am i sticking ard, making myself a nuisance. hate it. or am i asking for too much. perhaps i am. thats the only way to make myself feel better. or maybe, i think too much. over sensitive. forget that.
--
guys. all the same. only realized whats important when its gone. when its too late. then they start feeling stupid by their own actions before. but, its just too late. been seeing alot lately. a fren's fren case. tat couple has been tgt for years. yet, the guy flirts ard. wad he's having, he nv seems to appreciate. flowers out there are more tempting isnt it? his own gf is pretty, nice, cute, smart. she's got wad it takes. if not for she loves him, she could have gotten someone even better. i just pray that this fucking guy better realize the diamond he has in hand, before she walks. guys, just want to have a taste of every pollen before getting settled. alrights, i don mean all. but, MAJORITY! fuck you. fucking desperate guys, just gets on my nerves.
--
just went to wcp to study with min. saw sharon there. studying by herself. great motivation and perserverence. i admire that, alot. on the other hand, i'm only starting a lil. fuck man. whats wrong. do i wanna fucking fail again. then everyone's gonna laugh at me. ARGH! god dammit. i really need to push myself. i need to pass this. if not i cant go aussie. don need to even think. i'll get kicked. this sucks.
wow. been so long since i last updated. havent been studying lately... i think its time i should start! been clubbing weekly. wasting my night away.. tho it was crazily fun. but i wont be clubbing till exams end for now. just one mth of not clubbing wont kill. besides, someone doesnt like it either too. =/ something bout club that i like is that, we just drink, get high and dance thru the night. getting ourselves all so shack. next day, all we want is to rest and sleep. laze thru the day. thru out, the mind would be clear. nothing to think of; just high and happy...
feel kinda bad for stopping him to ktv last night. but he seems happy that i actually wanted to stop him. somehow.. dont know why... well, i really wished time would have stop there. but happy hours always pass so quickly. wonder when will i taste that again... this is tough.
reading thru some frens' blog of mine. realising something i shouldnt. i guess its just really hard for him to accept when he returns and read this. friends. thats the only answer i can give. i dont wish our friendship will go down the drain. but if its difficult for you to face it. just another 2 more months i'll disappear. so it doesnt really matter isnt it?
i made this sound like as if i'm gonna die. no i'm not. i'm going aussie to study, peeps. tough decision. i'm gonna miss so many things, and so many ppl here. esp all my closed ones. =/
imagine the days over there. i dont wanna illustrate any further... i'll keep this blog really lively when i'm over there. guess most of the time i'm gonna be alone. all by myself.
just went to vivo with Minyi. had a hearty talk. heavy discussions bout this that those these. ended up home with a heavy heart. just hope she's better... prolly, Nov just isnt our mth.
. . . its only been less than 24hrs. felt like months and years. suddenly feel so empty without you. i shldnt sunk in too deep. if not, history is just gonna repeat itself. time and over again, i think i really shld start to stand on my own feet. thinking back bout the past. i've realised how miraclous that is. that we even met, and stayed by each other till now. i guess, being friends is really the best. status is really not important at all. friends are forever. as for bgr, it might not be as lasting as friends. given much thoughts, i began to slowly see the kinda care you've given. even tho last time i felt insignificant to you. but now, i don have the same mindset. its not about prioritizing anyone in your life. its about the happiness that two may get being together. going all the way out just to satisfy one, isnt the answer. its just a minute of happiness for one. and oneday, the other will think back and say, "how dumb i was to even do that for him/her, how silly i was" trust, care, concern, love are the 4 major things to begin with. without these 4, its unlikely to implant them in the future. there's always a phobia inside, and paranoid is the word for it. its takes two hands to clap, it always does.
i've finally put down everything of the past that i thought couldnt. i felt like a lil bird, thats flying out of the lil cage. never felt this carefree before. i do not need to worry bout anything. finally. i love whatever i have now. and am extremely contented. *SMILES*
after the long talk last night. i realise how different our world can be. basically, we're just living in two different world. i guess its really difficult to work this out. no, i knew this long ago. yet i still went ahead for it. dumb, yeah, plain dumb. its only a mth plus left now. maybe if i'm not going aussie, this wont happen too. now, i just wish nov comes quickly. and stay at nov forever. i hope this will be the last sweetest memory i have here.
so much about the past that i wanna forget. it just all flash back thru our topics last night. and i realise that, no matter how much u try to forget bout smth. it cant be erased from your memories. no matter what, it'll still be part of your memory forever. it did happen before. there's no Backspacing in this keyboard.
this two days has been on phone till the late nights. just like before, more than before. happy, yeah. but not the one last night. those words were so piercing... i think u could sense it too. but i'm not gonna make a nuisance outta myself. just let it pass... maybe i thought too much myself. my only fear now is that, when i'm back from aussie... will you still be you. there are no promise made between. i guess i'll just have to hand it over the fate.
i've been telling myself so much. just believe in this. believe in you. i don know how to now. everything changes every second. so unpredictable. maybe i should really just close up myself, and wait. i don know how else... everything is just so unstable. yet, you don even feel a thing. since whether or not am i here doesnt make a diff to you. i might as well walk. two months maybe jus be only two. it will be long, if this carries on.
guys, all the same. wont give a damn when you're ard. selfish.
one test result is out. yet, only a credit. fucking sad. what the fuck can i do bout it. NOTHING. don wish to make the same fucking mistake again. sad.
--
been pondering bout something. wad do i want out of it. wad do i gain. nothing. i don know wad i want too. and it seems impossible to get wad i want too. tats sad enough. why am i sticking ard, making myself a nuisance. hate it. or am i asking for too much. perhaps i am. thats the only way to make myself feel better. or maybe, i think too much. over sensitive. forget that.
--
guys. all the same. only realized whats important when its gone. when its too late. then they start feeling stupid by their own actions before. but, its just too late. been seeing alot lately. a fren's fren case. tat couple has been tgt for years. yet, the guy flirts ard. wad he's having, he nv seems to appreciate. flowers out there are more tempting isnt it? his own gf is pretty, nice, cute, smart. she's got wad it takes. if not for she loves him, she could have gotten someone even better. i just pray that this fucking guy better realize the diamond he has in hand, before she walks. guys, just want to have a taste of every pollen before getting settled. alrights, i don mean all. but, MAJORITY! fuck you. fucking desperate guys, just gets on my nerves.
--
just went to wcp to study with min. saw sharon there. studying by herself. great motivation and perserverence. i admire that, alot. on the other hand, i'm only starting a lil. fuck man. whats wrong. do i wanna fucking fail again. then everyone's gonna laugh at me. ARGH! god dammit. i really need to push myself. i need to pass this. if not i cant go aussie. don need to even think. i'll get kicked. this sucks.
wow. been so long since i last updated. havent been studying lately... i think its time i should start! been clubbing weekly. wasting my night away.. tho it was crazily fun. but i wont be clubbing till exams end for now. just one mth of not clubbing wont kill. besides, someone doesnt like it either too. =/ something bout club that i like is that, we just drink, get high and dance thru the night. getting ourselves all so shack. next day, all we want is to rest and sleep. laze thru the day. thru out, the mind would be clear. nothing to think of; just high and happy...
feel kinda bad for stopping him to ktv last night. but he seems happy that i actually wanted to stop him. somehow.. dont know why... well, i really wished time would have stop there. but happy hours always pass so quickly. wonder when will i taste that again... this is tough.
reading thru some frens' blog of mine. realising something i shouldnt. i guess its just really hard for him to accept when he returns and read this. friends. thats the only answer i can give. i dont wish our friendship will go down the drain. but if its difficult for you to face it. just another 2 more months i'll disappear. so it doesnt really matter isnt it?
i made this sound like as if i'm gonna die. no i'm not. i'm going aussie to study, peeps. tough decision. i'm gonna miss so many things, and so many ppl here. esp all my closed ones. =/
imagine the days over there. i dont wanna illustrate any further... i'll keep this blog really lively when i'm over there. guess most of the time i'm gonna be alone. all by myself.
